I used to consider myself a lesbian. I don't, anymore, for a few reasons.

first of all, I, to the best of my current knowledge, am nonbinary, trans, and AMAB. the cis lesbian community has issues with all three of those identities, especially in combination. trans women are accepted into the lesbian community, by my perception, not because cis lesbians think of trans lesbians as women, but because cis lesbians know that it's not socially acceptable to deny trans lesbians entrance. trans lesbians are treated as second class.

I'm nonbinary and don't think of myself as a woman. Because I'm also AMAB, as a consequence I feel entirely unwelcome in lesbian spaces. I'm not a woman, so by elimination I must be a man. Neither do I intend to get bottom surgery, giving cis lesbians the excuse to refuse to date me or other folks like me (or even pre/non-op binary trans women, for that matter) by hiding behind "genital preference"

a good thread by @stella which I largely agree with on why genital preference is bullshit

https://girlcock.club/@stella/105488712260938186

secondly, while I have a preference for women (and enbies!) there are some men out there I find attractive (moreover, gender is bullshit in the first place, there's hot people of all genders). this disqualifies me from being a lesbian by most counts. I did feel attracted to the "bi lesbian" identity to signify that I vibe with lesbian culture and history, but it has largely been torn apart by the lesbian community for the implication that a lesbian could date a man.

I'm not going to say it's *impossible* for cis lesbians to be trans allies or nonbinary allies, but it sure fucking feels that way

as I'm out longer I keep seeing more and more reasons why T4T is so prevalent. cis people just refuse to date trans people

though I'm certainly one to talk. I have a cis (albeit gender-non-conforming) partner. but she's pan.

which brings me to: the one exception I see with any regularity is that bi and pan cis folks are willing to date trans people